Movie Review: Righteous Kill

Spoilers ahead, so beware...though I doubt anyone I know will ever see this movie, so no worries:

I will never grow old. This may also entail a potentially disturbing possibility: I may never mature, either. However, I definitely never want to get old. Because I don't to end up like Robert De Niro or Al Pacino as they appear in this movie.
Righteous Kill is a great idea lodged in an immature script directed by a nobody director who was responsible for wrangling two of arguably the greatest American actors who are apparently way past their prime. So let's go through this chain:
Righteous Kill is about a serial killer who is killing scumbags; guys who are clearly guilty of heinous crimes but slip through the justice system on technicalities. Two career cops are charged with solving the crime; two cops with a vocal penchant, if not deeply-rooted appreciation for, violence. Voila! We have a plot, with intrigue, twists, and a nice mystery: all the elements of a solid thriller.
Sadly, from this point, it goes downhill.
First of all, the trailer gave away too much. Way too much. When the twists are the big catch in a film, you really shouldn't give them away months before the film is even released. The trailer not only tells us that the killer is a cop, but that the killer is either De Niro or Pacino. And within the first 30 seconds of the actual movie, we see De Niro confessing, meaning that within 30 second of the actual movie, I knew the killer was Pacino. This left the whole run time of the movie for me to feel much, much smarter than any character in the movie as they all slowly bumbled towards my own astute observation.
Now, I really like the story of the movie; the primary failure of the movie is a weak script. The film itself is relatively short, but seemed filled with a lot of, well, filler. There were extraneous plot lines and character elements that did nothing more than create a sense of convoluted chaos. Each of these problems chipped away at a decent story and left me confused and frustrated with the final film. But the fundamental problems were even deeper than the script.
The director has never made anything of note, and this film had one element that required a heightened degree of skill: the film's chronology jumps around, which is meant to add to the intrigue or whatever. Did you ever see The Prestige? Director Christopher Nolan masterfully created a film whose chronological timeline jumped all over the place, yet there was an artistry and skill clearly evident in the storytelling. This film, whose story required nothing close to the finesse that The Prestige demanded, was an utter failure. The jumping timeline was confusing and, quite frankly, annoying, and harbored every sign that the primary filmmaker (aka "The Director") was simply incompetant. It was almost like he made a linear film, chopped it into pieces, and hit the random button. Lazy.
Finally, the real tragedy is the two main actors, who should know better. I say should because both De Niro and Pacino are unquestionably talented actors, who have let their careers slide of late. For whatever reason, neither of them has made anything recently that resembles their previous excellence. These are the guys who were in the Godfather films, for crying out loud. They have turned in performances that have defined films, careers, and the art of acting itself. Pacino in particular sleepwalks through the film, showing absolutely no sign of excitment, emotion, or anything whatsoever. He is utterly lifeless. Where is the scene-chewing force-of-nature I expect from Any Given Sunday or Heat? De Niro fares mildly better, but still doesn't set the artistic bar where you'd expect.
Ultimately, I think De Niro and Pacino have the same problem Harrison Ford has had recently: exceptionally talented and famous actors need a great director to challenge them and get them to turn in a decent performance. Ford finally got Spielberg to help him out with Indiana Jones, the first remotely passionate performance Ford managed in over a decade. De Niro and Pacino need to team up with some of the exceptional directorial talent they've worked with in the past; it's time to stop low-balling it with no-name hacks.
Righteous Kill has nothing really worth recommending. There is a ton of unnecessary sexuality, mildly entertaining but definitely crude language, and a lot of boring violence. Wait for the TV version and make sure there's an actual good movie on another channel to switch between.